Your Marriage Matters! When you are connected and living in love, others are drawn to the love you share, and God works through that love to encourage others that enduring love is possible.  You are a sign of hope in your spheres of influence – work, faith, families, and social circles. Growing in this marital love requires ongoing enrichment so that you can learn new and better skills, receive new inspiration, and continually renew the joy in your married love day by day, week by week, year by year.   

Now’s your opportunity to review and concretely commit to some of the monthly tools you have been trying out over the past seven months. Share at least two skills, preferably in writing, that you would like to commit to going forward.  Summer’s a great time to relax, enjoy and commit to a stronger connection. Look for summer downloadable date nights coming soon! 

In Real Life
We recognized that being intentional and specific about the ways we wanted to care for our marriage wasn’t going to just happen.  Or shall I say, it hadn’t happened until we wrote them out.  As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, author of The Little Prince, penned “a goal without a plan is just a wish.”  So, take the time, be specific, for example, are you committing to daily affirmation via texts, or a weekly date night on Thursday nights after the kids are tucked in bed?  Finish your written plan with one thing that you are looking forward to in your marriage this summer! 

Dive Deeper
Better Together Marriage Enrichment Here

Feelings are the emotions and physical sensations that come over us without involving our will. Unlike our opinions, judgements, or beliefs, we do not choose them. Similar to the weather, our emotions occur without our will.  (It’s worth noting, we’re not talking about how we react or respond to an emotion.)

In the long-run, being able to identify and share what you’re feeling on a regular basis can transform the level of connectedness within a marriage. One way to do this is to share your strongest emotion daily with your spouse. What works for your schedule?  Does it make sense to share at the end of the day or when you stop to eat lunch? Whatever the case, set a time, be intentional, and ask, "What was your strongest emotion today?" Give it a try and connect on a meaningful level strengthening your marriage.   

IN REAL LIFE  

Once we started using this tool, we saw immediate differences in the ways we felt connected. It’s not unusual to answer the question, “how did your day go?” with specific tasks or an occurrence that happened to a co-worker, but leave out what's going on inside of us. When we step back and ask how those things impacted you or what your feelings about them were, we can connect on a feeling level that increases trust and intimacy.

DIVE DEEPER

Typically, a woman’s way of getting close is achieved through deep, personal, verbal communication, preferably on a feelings level.  Rather, a man’s preferred way of achieving intimacy is typically through nonverbal touch. Both ways are equally virtuous and valuable in marriage. 

Anger can replay in our minds and cause more distance and hurt than the original offense. Learning to reconcile promptly and well can actually bring a couple closer than before the incident. Restoring well can teach us how to love the other better and help us grow in humility and sensitivity. Love means saying more than just “I’m sorry”. It requires trust and vulnerability to say, “Will you forgive me?” Reconciling well is a fundamental act of recommitment that strengthens the bonds of love.  

In the middle of an argument, when you're not at your best, it's not the best time to determine how to effectively resolve a disagreement. Having a reconciliation plan ahead of time that involves a structured multiple-step process of prayer, sharing feelings, and forgiveness is genius.

In Real Life
This was a game changer for our relationship.  When we experienced hurt and said, “I’m sorry”, acknowledging hurt and wrong doing, our relationship was not necessarily restored. When we took it to the next level of asking for and granting forgiveness, we restored our relationship. I honestly can't remember the details of our last argument because we reconciled and the hurt was totally removed.

Learn more during the spring session of Your Marriage Matters. Sign-up for the next St. Luke series starting on Friday, April 21st. 

Adapted from Evermore in Love (previously Living in Love).
Examination of Conscience for Married Couples 

February is often associated with romance and St. Valentine's Day.  What a great opportunity to bless and empower marriages. Your marriage blesses not only your union, but all those around you: your family, your friends, and the community. When we love each other, God lives in us and His love is perfected in us.  (1 John 4:12)  

Christ's visible sign of a tangible love, expressed in your marriage, has the power to bless others. Take time to reflect on the following questions today, repeating the process often.   

• How has your spouse's love been a gift?
• In what ways can your marriage be an intentional gift to each other?
• How can your martial love be an expansive gift to your children, family, and community?

When a husband and wife are in love and allow that love to be visible, everyone around them will experience God in a real, tangible way. As married couples, let us receive God's blessing to be a testament to Christ's love made real, tangible and visible in the world.  

In Real Life

When we look for the good in our spouses, we will surely find it.  Unfortunately, the reverse is easier to observe and always destructive. Realizing this has helped me focus on the gift of our marital love, even in times of conflict.  It's helpful to be reminded to always look for the good and seek peace.  (Psalm 34:14)

Dive Deeper
Heavenly Father, we thank you for your tremendous gift of the Sacrament of Marriage. Bless every married couple to grow in their intimacy with you and each other. Teach them the beauty of forgiveness so they may become more and more one in heart, mind and body. Strengthen their communication with each other and help them become living signs of your love.  Bless them to be examples of commitment, love, and service.  With Mary and Joseph as our models and intercessors, we ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen

Marriage is a Blessing & A Gift

Every person experiences love and expresses it in a unique way. Too often, we instinctively give love the way we most like to receive it, but that may not be the way the other feels most loved. To be more effective in loving your spouse, you will want to learn how your spouse wants and needs to be loved, and more importantly, what makes them feel in love.
 
Perhaps your spouse's love language is words of affirmation or encouragement, or physical touch? Maybe it's quality time spent together, receiving gifts or thoughtfulness or acts of service. These frames of reference are adapted from Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. When your spouse relates to you in your primary “love language”, you feel more connected, nurtured, and affirmed, hence more in love.
 
Discover your spouse’s love language and intentionally choose to love them in that way today. You will undoubtedly put a smile on their face and enrich your marriage.

In Real Life
My husband appreciates when I bring him a little gift of chocolate or something from the store, not so much because of the gift itself, but because I thought of him while I was running errands. In the same way, he makes sure to leave room in our weekend schedules for us to spend time together which is my preferred love language.

Learn how you can express your love in a way that will make your spouse feel loved.

Dive Deeper
Understanding the Five Love Languages

These tools, are just that, tools. Consider Your Marriage Matters-a four session deep dive of how to apply these tools to your unique marriage.  Join our Flocknote group below to stay in the loop of when our sessions begin.

Prayers open us to relationship with God and to receive the grace we need to live fully alive in our marriage and family life. We certainly benefit from the prayers of others, but most profoundly, when we pray individually or as a couple for our own marriage. Start today, praying daily for a specific grace for your marriage. You’ll be surprised by what God will do. He is never outdone in generosity.

In Real Life
When we took on a Couple Prayer Challenge over 12 years ago, we weren't used to praying, as individuals or as a couple. As we started slowly, baby steps actually, we awkwardly prayed together, side by side, reciting the Our Father or Hail Mary out loud. Over time, we got more comfortable praying with our spouse listening. Soon, more spontaneous, conversational prayer naturally occurred.

It's truly a gift to hear your beloved praying to God for your needs and those of your marriage. Both our individual prayer life and our couple prayer life have grown exponentially.

Allow God into your marriage, to supercharge the ordinariness, foster joy, and shoulder the daily burdens.

Dive Deeper
Podcast: All Things Catholic with Dr. Edward Sri & his wife, Beth
Episode 226: The Most Important Conversation in Marriage
Listen Here

Tips for Additional Ways to Pray
Couples that Pray Together

Build your relationship with a steady diet of affirmation with this simple daily exercise.  

At least once a day, tell each other one thing that you appreciate or find endearing about each other.  Affirmation is like a compliment but far more enriching.  You can think of an Affirmation as affirming your spouse's inherent and specific goodness, their virtue, and unique special qualities.  For example, a compliment might be, “thanks for taking out the trash” where an affirmation could be “I appreciate your service to me and our family.  Taking out the trash may be a small task, but it is reveals how you are a person of service and I'm grateful.”   

Affirmation is an attitude and a posture of the heart that is focused on the other’s virtue.  Consistent, sincere affirmation conveys acceptability and lovableness, lifting us up, transforming and connecting both the recipient and affirmer.

What I appreciate about your today is …